A fate worse than death?
by PixiesCanFly
Summary: Twoshot. One has never been anything and the other has always been the same. Now the two have met fallen for one another. But can it really be a fate worse than death to love?
1. What I've never done

I have never done many things in my life. I seem to have missed out on a lot, at least by your standards. I would never know. I've never done any of them.

I was never given a name. Who would need to call me by one anyway? But that is one of the things that I have only recently discovered. I never wanted a name, not like some other things.

I have never met my parents. I was born in a dark, cold, wet room, miles away from all sanity. My parents left me moments after I was born. I never knew them. All I can remember from my early childhood is water, cold even to my skin, and screams.

I have never known quiet. I know now what caused those screams. I have caused screams that match them now, but back then the unknown was what terrified me. Every day and night the perpetual screaming all around me in the dark almost drove me to insanity myself.

I have never made a friend. There were others, of course there were but communication was only made when necessary. There was no such thing as conversation, no such thing as friendship or kindness or thought for ones fellows. There was just what we needed, and what we got.

I have never heard music or song. There was no music where I grew up. There was no joy, no happiness. Those who could sing were too busy screaming to let any peace into their tones. I don't know what music is, save in vague recollections passed on by others.

I have never seen colour. Unless you count the dark blacks and greys of the world I grew up in, which I don't. I have never seen red, save in blood. I have never seen blue, save lips in the cold. I have never seen yellow, save in vomit and bile. I have never seen purple, save in bruises. I have never seen green, save in the mercy of the Killing Curse.

I have never felt warmth. Never have I been embraced by another, a friend, a mother. Never in my existence have I known the feeling of warm contentment given by snuggling under a blanket when the night is cold.

I have never tasted sugar. Sweetners had no place in my world. They belonged to a different set of beings to us. We were unworthy even of proper bread and water. Good food was wasted by being given to us. Rats and dogs deserved it better than we did.

But I'd give all that up readily. There is just one thing I want, one thing I would do anything to change but cannot.

I have never felt the lips of another on mine in love.

After all, a Dementor's Kiss is a fate worse than death.

XxXxXx

**A/N- **I know it's a bit weird. Don't blame me. Blame the people in my head who make me get inspired way too easily.


	2. What I've always been

I have always been the way I am today; at least I think I have been. Some say Azkaban changes you, but not me. I was crazy when I came here, and so there was nothing that the dementors could do.

I have always known my name to be more important that any other's. Ever since I was a child it was whispered with awe in corners of the rooms that I entered. I reveled in the attention that I knew my name brought me, the prestige and the fear.

I have always been the apple of my parents' eyes. They saw me as their perfect Pureblood daughter, loyal to them and the Dark Lord. I was his most loyal, most faithful, most respected subject. I came to Azkaban proclaiming his message and my loyalty to him to the heavens.

I have always been surrounded by admirers, those seeking protection or those wanting some of my glory for themselves. Occasionally there was someone who wanted to use me, someone superior. I have always had the companionship I needed, always had those that I could spend time with if I so chose. But I couldn't understand the notion of dying for your friends. I would die for my lord or for myself. No other.

I have always detested music. It's garish, boring, repetitive ways seem to drill into my skull. When I was a child I was taught piano and flute. I hated both and told the teacher repeatedly. Who would want to indulge in something so mindless when there were Mudbloods to kill?

I have always seen the world in the brightest shades of colour. Always, I had the newest fashions in the brightest colours of the most expensive fabrics. I wasn't one to live in the shadows, letting the others take the attention. I was the one who drew everyone's eyes when she walked in the room.

I have always felt cold. I suppose it's just who I am. Even sitting in a room with a blazing fire in the middle of summer the icy cold still drilled into me. It could only be alleviated when I was young. Now it is there permenantly, as there is no heating here, no protection from the cold or the wind and the rain that is the only company here.

I have always been all these things. I have been insane, crazy, evil some have said. But now I will give it all up, everything I have always been and everything I ever will be.

I look into his face, feeling the cold that I used to hate surround me, comforting me somehow. It wasn't some faceless, mindless beast. This was _him._ This was his greatest desire, the only thing he had ever wanted for himself.

We'd been together for years now, almost happy together considering who we were. But now, now that I was expected to leave him forever and return to what I had always been.

I would not go. I will not return to being a shallow doll used as a party piece, the only female death eater. Watched and stared at and whispered about in corners but never spoken to, never loved. I will not be a decoration any more. I will not be who I have always been.

I reach up, pulling the hood from his head and feeling the rattling breath pulling at the edges of my mind. How could he take my happiness when being with him made me happier than anything else?

"I love you. And what you take is yours. You can't steal what is willingly given. Remember that, and this." I say before leaning up and placing my lips against his, letting my love and my happiness flow with my soul into him.

I watched through his eyes as my body collapsed on the dirty floor of the dark cell. A stray thought wafted across his conciousness.

_After all, a Dementor's Kiss is a fate worse than death._

XxXxXx

**A/N-** This is what too much exercise, panicking about tests that don't exist, and jaffa cakes in class will do to a person's mind. I apologize profusely for this.


End file.
